[closed for lempereur] A Rush of Adrenaline

[azuhi]

Since Yusuke had expressed an interest in seeing him play, and because he'd been kind enough to share his studio with him, Asahi extends an invitation for Yusuke to attend their next official volleyball game. He's nervous about having someone he knows in the stands, but Asahi also knows that once he's on the court, it'll be a lot easier to forget his surroundings and focus on the match. He can't let his teammates down, after all, and he especially can't disappoint his date.

His date. God, Asahi never imagined he'd be bringing a boy to his games, that someone would want to be there for him, cheering him on. Meeting Yusuke feels like a dream come true, or even a miracle.

Fortunately, the match goes well. Asahi is able to lose his nerves, and keep his head in the game even when things aren't going in Karasuno's favor. And when they are, he's at his peak performance, warmed up from the game and getting better, his spikes getting stronger, faster, and harder to block.

When his team wins, a few people crowd around him to celebrate, thumping his back (and, in Nishinoya's case, happily leaping onto his shoulders), but Asahi still takes a moment to turn to the stands. He makes eye contact with Yusuke and beams triumphantly, without a hint of his usual shyness.

The team heads down to the locker room to get clean and change out of their sweaty clothes. Asahi plans on meeting Yusuke once he's done, and hopefully he has enough time for them to go on another date.

Comments

[lempereur]

[ The hug is perfect. After he got to be a certain age, old enough and skilled enough to exploit, physical touch was mostly absent from his upbringing, sparing a rough pull or one of the few times Madarame was angry anough to strike him. It wasn't often enough to mention right now, when Asahi certainly gets the idea, but the scar keeps his hair long just the same. Physical comfort is still somewhat foreign to him, and it isn't until this moment that Yusuke realizes just how much he's craved it. He keeps his head tucked comfortably under the other's chin, arms tight around him.

Breathe in, Asahi's shampoo and a little sweat. He must have rushed over to see him. The thought makes a kernel of warmth pop in his chest.

Breathe out, a little calmer now. He's vulnerable enough as it is, he doesn't have to cry over it. He hasn't told him anything his friends back home don't already know, but it feels different, being able to choose to tell him. Having control of who knows and how much they know is empowering, in a way. He can be the subject of his story instead of a victim, whispered about in the corners of classrooms and hallways. It feels terrible in the moment, but it's a good thing, that he could ruin with one more sentence. ]

I might still be under his thumb, if the Phantom Thieves hadn't made him expose himself.

[ He can't come completely clean yet. He thinks soon, he might want to, but he has the rest of them to think about, revealing himself to anyone automatically implicates the only friends he's ever had, who he conveniently started hanging out with around the time of Madarame's confession. Yusuke won't let himself be carried away, he can't say anything more about that without permission from the rest of them.

But he can gauge Asahi's reaction, to see if it might be safe to tell him at all. Eventually.  ]

[azuhi]

[Knowing what he knows about Yusuke's upbringing now, Asahi is absolutely loathe to let him go. How can he, when Yusuke's been through such unbearable things? He wants to hold him the way he should always have been held, and love him the way he should always have been loved... and isn't that an overwhelming, embarrassing thought to have. He's not ready to parse it at all.

He doesn't have to. Yusuke's not done.]

Oh? [Asahi gasps softly, the name of that group triggering something in his memory.] Aren't they the ones who exposed the volleyball coach? The one who was assaulting and sexually harassing his players?

[That story hit the high school volleyball community all over Japan. Even at his strictest, the old Coach Ukai had never come close to harming any of them. To think that in another part of the country, kids just like them were going through that... it really upset Asahi, how much some of the other boys on the team wanted to talk about the Phantom Thieves. Even if they had done such amazing things, it always made Asahi think of those victims.

Never did he think he'd meet one. Be holding him like this.]

So they saved you... I'm glad.

[lempereur]

Yes. That was-- [ He has to stop himself quickly from saying our ] their first big target. I have to admit, I had no knowledge of it until they came for Madarame. It wasn't long after that, I don't think.

[ He's thankful that Asahi can't see his face, because he's not so sure he'd be able to hide the half-truths he's telling. Yusuke feels like he's made of glass, like Asahi could see right through to his insides at any moment, or drop him and shatter him all over the floor. He's happy here the way he is, warm in his arms and shielded from all the troubles of his past. ]

They did. I'm doing much better now. I'm free of it, and able to live my own life, without his shadow. My life isn't perfect, but I'm happy. You make me happy.

[azuhi]

[Asahi holds Yusuke a little bit tighter.]

You're so amazing. That you can be so strong after all of that... that you can be happy. I'm really glad if I can be part of that for you.

[He has no idea how things worked out like this, the two of them meeting and immediately clicking, but Asahi is so grateful for it.]

When do you have to go back..?

[lempereur]

[ Nice, tight hug. That's the good stuff. It goes a long way towards soothing him, his breathing is calming down, hot, even breaths against Asahi's chest. ]

I don't always feel so strong...but I suppose I've had no other choice. I've spent enough time wallowing in my misfortune.

[ Yusuke feels grateful, too. Coming out here was a double-edged sword. He was happy to be away from home until things settled down, but it was lonely out here, away from his friends. He'd gotten used to loneliness before, but things changed so quickly when he met all of them that it was hard to go back to. Just when he'd resigned himself to that sadness once again, he met Asahi. His shining light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. He makes Yusuke want to be aa strong as he sees him as. ]

Not until next month. It's ample notice, I just don't know what I'll say...I haven't seen him since he was arrested.

[azuhi]

[He doesn't think that Yusuke's been wallowing at all, probably. Wallowing is what Asahi did after losing to Dateko, not what someone does after they've been abused. That's why Yusuke's strong, even if he isn't giving himself enough credit.

It sort of terrifies Asahi, to think that Yusuke has to go back and face that man. Even if it is in a courtroom. He wishes he could go with him, but knows better than to say so; it'll just be a reminder of something impossible. He has school, and volleyball. He can't abandon the team now, not when they have a good chance of getting to Nationals this year. He can't be that person again, not even for Yusuke, who he really, really likes.]

Maybe you'll know what to say when you see him? [He guesses, lips pursed in sad contemplation.] Just... I don't know. Say whatever feels right, I guess?

[lempereur]

[ It terrifies Yusuke, too. Not because it feels unsafe, he knows the change of heart is permanent, the worst Madarame could do is make a scene by groveling at his feet for forgiveness. That would be its own kind of torture, a decision whether or not to let go of the anger inside him.

He doesn't think he's ready to do that yet. ]

That's all I can do, I suppose.

[ He's not expecting Asahi to have the magic words that will put everything into place for him, nor is he expecting him to skip school to come out to the city with him. It's enough that he's here now, holding him, supporting him as he rehashes it all. Finally, Feeling more relaxed, Yusuke lets his arms loosen enough to bring his face up at Asahi. ]

Thank you for listening. I'm sorry if I've brought down the mood.

[ Asahi was probably expecting to fool around a little, after that heated phone call the other night...but who wants to make out with someone who just unloaded all his baggage on him? ]

[azuhi]

[Asahi shakes his head a little, meeting Yusuke's gaze and hoping to reassure him.]

Don't be sorry, it's fine. I'm just happy being here with you. And, uh, it kind of feels nice to be trusted with this. Even if it's a really awful thing.

[He smiles sheepishly, but his eyes are still soft as he looks at Yusuke. Full of affection, warmth, even love.]

[lempereur]

[ Nobody's ever looked at him like that, until Asahi. It makes him feel naked, like he's really being seen. Feelings could start tumbling out of him at any minute, and he fears he might not be able to stop it if he wanted to. ]

I do trust you. My heart is in your hands now, Asahi. Please protect it.

[ He wouldn't ask if he didn't think Asahi were willing and able to shoulder that task. Something is changing, solidifying in the space between them, strengthening their bond into something he's not quite ready to admit out loud.

He's madly in love with Asahi. Just hopelessly. All they've shared today, Asahi's dreams and Yusuke's past, just seals the deal. And it's written all over his face, nothing but warmth and happiness and profound gratitude, even with the corners of his eyes red with dried almost-tears. ]

[azuhi]

[Yusuke's tone, his words, make a soft whine pull out of Asahi's chest. He isn't afraid at all of this; he wants to protect Yusuke with all of his heart, too. He's determined to do it.

He reaches up and wipes one of Yusuke's tears away, then leans in and presses their lips together.]

[lempereur]

[ It keeps astounding Yusuke, how Asahi can make him feel so safe, so shielded from the world, and still be so gentle. It's like he can see exactly what Yusuke needs just from looking into his eyes. There's a warm kind of vulnerability to that which he is coming to enjoy.

He melts into the kiss immediately. As soon as Asahi's lips touch his, Yusuke puts a hand on the nape of his neck, encouraging him to stay close. ]

[azuhi]

[He only meant for the kiss to be soft and quick, but the urgency of Yusuke's response keeps Asahi from moving away. It's not as if it's a bother, having to kiss Yusuke; on the contrary, it feels amazing to be lost in the sensation of kissing his boyfriend, the heat of Yusuke's body, the trust in the arm around him holding him close.

Asahi inhales sharply through his nose and tilts his face so that the kiss is closer, more. There's no doubt how much he is attracted to Yusuke, how much he likes him.]

[lempereur]

[ A needy little whine escapes from Yusuke's throat, muffled against the other boy's lips. He has to just keep kissing him or be overwhelmed with the realization of the depth of his feelings. His kisses are soft and sweet, not getting too intense, but lingering in the bubble of intimacy. He's reminding himself that Asahi is here with him, that he's choosing to be with him and support him. It's not intended to go anywhere more risqué, but he is eighteen and full of hormones. If his boyfriend were looking for a little more, he'd be willing. ]

[azuhi]

[Asahi really has no qualms with the kissing. Yusuke's lips feel so good against his own, and endless source of pleasure that he keeps going back for with zeal. It's not like Yusuke isn't doing the same, so it must be okay. They both want this so much...

His hands find Yusuke's hips, hold tightly there. Thumb brushing over the waistband of his pants.]

[lempereur]

[ Yusuke's breath catches when he feels Asahi's hand on his waist, his fingers playing at the band, a soft request for permission. It's not like he isn't expecting it, or even like he doesn't want it...but he needs to take a breath. His head hasn't had time to catch up with his heart yet. His hand lays on top of Asahi's, gentle, but firm enough to keep him from going any further. He doesn't think the other will push it, but it's best to be clear. The artist pulls away, just enough to catch Asahi's eyes. ]

I love you.

[ It's a whisper, as if it were a secret that shouldn't travel any further than Asahi's ears. It is and isn't - he could shout it from the rooftops without remorse, as long as Asahi accepts it. ]

[azuhi]

[Asahi's hand had gravitated to that spot naturally, settling where it felt good and right to be, but when Yusuke puts a firm hand on top of his, he can tell he's being dissuaded and moves his hand on to the mattress instead.

He's scared that he's overstepped a boundary, and there's an apology on his tongue but Yusuke beats him to it. He inhales sharply, gaze fixed on Yusuke's.]

I. [How does he respond to this??? Is he ready to say it back? If he's not, what does he say?

The look in Yusuke's eyes is so raw, so earnest. Asahi wants to protect him, to hold him, to be with him.

That's love, right?]

I love you too. [He murmurs back, voice a little shaky. Nervous.]

[lempereur]

[ Yusuke clocks the nervousness pretty easily. He hasn't even given Asahi time to process the first bomb he dropped on him, the horrible story about his mother and Madarame and most of the horrible things he's been through, the trauma Asahi will have to navigate just to be with him, and now he's telling him that he loves him. Of course he loves him. He wouldn't have bothered to tell him all that if he didn't, and risk being seen differently by someone whose attention he's been living for.

It's the truth, and he's as sure of that as a 3rd year who's never felt like this can possibly be, but maybe the truth is too much. Too much, too fast, too heavy of a burden to put on him at once. It's only been a handful of weeks...which have been wonderful, but that's not very long. In the time it takes Asahi to recalibrate, Yusuke doesn't even breathe, he doesn't do anything but watch and await his response. ]

You do?

[ It's an expression of thrilled disbelief instead of a question. Asahi wouldn't say it if it weren't true. ]

[azuhi]

[The response makes Asahi blink. Hopefully Yusuke isn't surprised because he doesn't believe him...

He carefully nods.]

You're really important to me. So much. And I love being with you, no matter what we're doing, so... yes.

[lempereur]

[ He believes him. He's not sure that he's worthy of it, or that he's earned the love of anyone, much less someone as special as Asahi. but who is he to argue, with happiness dangling right in front of him, daring him to reach out? All that's left to do is seal it with a kiss. ]